I love a good burger. I love making them. I love buying the ones in the gourmet burger places. Mostly I love stealing their ideas so I can recreate them at home. I’ll even take my chances in one of the well-known multinational burger places that have an obsession with uniformity and giving their menu items specially branded little names. That’s how much I love burgers, but do I go around shouting about it?
At this point you might think this is a social anxiety related post. But it’s not. This is about my love of something. Mind you, making gourmet burgers at home does facilitate my not wanting to mix with other humans.
No, this post is about bumper stickers of all things. Yeah bumper stickers. You know, those little badges some people put on their cars to tell us how they’re feeling about a certain subject or to warn us about their hilariously loud singing while they drive.
But what sparked this idea off today was the bumper sticker that read: I Love Flying. Complete with the love heart symbol just so we get how much they love it.
Now here’s information I don’t need to know. So what if you love flying. You’re not flying now. Am I supposed to feel happy for you that you love flying? Or sad for you because you’re driving in front of me in a car?
To be honest what it made me feel was joy. Joy that you probably love flying so much that you absolutely hate driving and yet here you are, down on the road with everybody else. But just because you feel superior you want the rest of us to know that not only do you fly, but you love it!
Some of my joy comes from the feeling of hate I now have for you. I’m now hoping you never fly again. In fact if I see you heading for the airport I’m going to ram you off the road. What do you think of that, fly boy? Love flying now?
OK, I’m possibly over reacting, it would seem now that this post probably was about my social issues after all. This isn’t the normal reaction you’re supposed to have after seeing a bumper sticker. Even the most elitist slogans such as I Love Flying should not be met with such contempt, even though, I know this person was just trying to rub it in. Probably.
Now; if it was a bumper sticker that said I Love Burgers. That might be different. Lets throw in the word gourmet to give it an edge. This could be a sticker worthy of my bumper.
It’s design would obviously have to be classy. I’m thinking it would be in the shape of two buns with the burger bit in the middle carrying the slogan, I Love Gourmet Burgers, add a heart-shaped cocktail stick through the middle placing it in such a way as to replace the word Love, and I think we might have something!
Now who’s going to be upset by that?
(Vegetarians, get your own God damn sticker!)