Awkward conversations. How do they happen, again and again?

The other day I was in conversation with someone when half way through a sentence my mind went blank and I completely forgot the point I was trying to make. It wasn’t that it was a boring conversation, I simply didn’t want to talk to them.

Don’t get me wrong it’s not because I disliked them, it’s a social anxiety thing, I basically hate talking to people unless its planned. At least then I have time to think about what I might say, know my exits, research the location and so on. If you’re a sufferer of this you know exactly what I’m saying here, if not it just sounds mad!

Anyway, long after I should have said my goodbyes I persisted in talking and talking, making less sense as I made my way through this syrupy conversation. I don’t know why I didn’t shut up. It’s like I was in so deep that I couldn’t give up on it, I had to keep going and try to turn it into something good. Somehow. But I couldn’t, it was like I was under some kind of spell and it was intent on making me look like a total moron, it was torture.

I think what makes it even more stressful is you can tell the person you’re talking with knows you’re in trouble. But because of social protocol they let you continue, out of politeness they allow you to make an ass out of yourself. They know you’re out of your depth. It’s as obvious as the beads of sweat building on your eyebrows.

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